not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
