is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
