a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
