that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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