I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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