you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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