Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
