Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
