I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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