sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
