I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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