hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
