So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
