Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
