I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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