So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
