I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
