I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No subtext here. People are naked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
