U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
