I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
