i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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