Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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