if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
