While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
