College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
