yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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