I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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