Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
