i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
