I want to make a zoo with you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
