found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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