I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
soo... how was my night?
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