Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
