She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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