the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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