You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't turn off my feet"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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