Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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