Where is the hickey?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
now i know why i became what i already was.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
