I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
