the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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