Sober January is a disaster.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
