What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
