seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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