You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
