I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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