my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
