no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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