Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
