laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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