can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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