so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
