i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
