yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
