Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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