Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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