i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
