just survived the first fart of the relationship.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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